Overwhelmed

I have really struggled this week with the realities that I am facing here at the hospital.  I feel so ill-equipped to be of significant help here, yet I am rapidly learning, so I hope to be more helpful in time.  Just to give you a taste, here is what we faced this week (this will be full of medical jargon, so for the non-medical, I apologize):  On Tuesday, I was helping to manage the Maternity Ward and the Female Outpatient Department.  There was only one other doctor (a very talented resident) assigned to this task.  So, there were about ten deliveries that included the following complications: two cervical tears, two post-partum hemorrhages, and two cases of thick meconium.  There were also two hypertensive pregnant women.  (It seems that everything came in twos.)  Those were the inpatient cases; meanwhile, we still had 100 patients to see in the outpatient department, just the two of us, while also running back to the ward for every emergency.  I’m not really ready for obstetric emergencies (I’m getting up to speed after 15 years of outpatient work) and I struggled with the Nepali language in the midst of the chaos (they weren’t talking slowly enough for me).  So, I thank God for a very skilled and calm resident.  Please, LORD Jesus, send more workers to your ripe fields!

I came home an hour late from this challenging day to find Ana quite ill with the norm for life in Nepal: vomiting and stomach pain.  I was out all day, Dave had been out all day, and Ana was struggling to get out of bed.  I am so thankful for our wonderful kids who self-managed all day long.  I got to see maturity in Nick that night as he cared for Ana in her sickness after the rest of us fell asleep.  If anybody understands stomach ailments in Nepal, it is Nick.  I am happy to say that Ana is recovered now, so thank you to all who lift her up.  I must also say that her attitude was wonderful through the whole sickness.  There is nothing like living in a third world country to prepare one to embrace suffering.  She is truly a blessing to our family.

Today, I went on inpatient medical rounds, so that I might be prepared for tomorrow when the regular internist will be having a day off.  In three hours, we got through about two thirds of the patients (at which time I needed to go, while the other doctors treated their own hypoglycemia) and the severity of illnesses has sent my mind and heart reeling.  Just for a little taste, here are some of the diagnoses:  multiple cases of meningitis, two cases of DVT, two possible cases of bacterial endocarditis (still awaiting echocardiogram; we have nobody to perform this test today), aplastic anemia (with a hematocrit of 6%!), end-stage alcoholic liver disease, severe nephrotic syndrome (with total body edema, he cannot even open his eyes), multiple cases of rheumatic heart disease, multiple cases of rheumatoid arthritis, a new diagnosis of HIV with multiple infections, and the list goes on.  All these cases are for one senior doctor, two residents and two interns.  Again, I do not feel adequate to fill in for the senior doctor tomorrow.  I look to the LORD for strength.  Surely, there must be more skilled doctors out there who enjoy a challenge and have compassion for these suffering patients.  Surely these Nepalis are just as important as all the patients in America; and to think that I hear rumors of medical companies/clinics competing for patients in my home town.  My heart is breaking again.

Finally, my heartache broke to tears this morning as we prayed about the adoption.  Every door we’ve knocked on so far has been closed, and yet we’ve had multiple people approach us to tell of children who do not have parents to care for them, and I want to say “Yes, we’ll love them.”  Yet, we’ve been told from many angles that the governments who need to approve (Nepal and U.S.) will not allow us to care for these needy children and take them home with us.  I feel so strongly that we were called to try this, and yet I cannot see the channel through which we can give the love that we feel we have to give.  Imagine desiring to give a good home to some needy children, seeing them all around you, and then being told that if you care for them, you will have to leave them behind when you return to your home country.  The darkness of this world, the unequal distribution of resources, and the sheer weight of the suffering brings me to my knees and wrings my heart with an ache that I must learn to endure.  Come quickly, LORD Jesus!

Please pray for us all to walk in God’s will, to find our role in relieving the suffering but to find a place of contentment knowing how little we can really do, and to never lose hope in how much God can do.  And in the end of His story (history), we will truly see how He has been weaving it all together, according to a good and perfect will that cannot be thwarted by human sin or apathy.  The day after tomorrow, Dave, Nick and Nate will leave on a five-day foray into the Chepang area.  Again, they will have to confront poverty beyond the imagination of most of us.  They must carry enough food for themselves (and our colleagues) for the entire trip, as these people do not have enough food to sustain themselves year-round, and we well-nourished westerners can’t even conceive of eating what little food they have.  Please pray for my “men” to be a blessing as they assess how the project is going.

Thank you for joining us in this journey.  We cherish your prayers and your partnership.

Kimberly, for the Beine Bunch